James's Journey
Current intention: Grounded return & open heart
August 2025
Current Intention
James intends to embrace the unknown with an open heart, trusting that life will unfold as it should. After months of introspection and healing at his parents' home, he's ready to return to New York with no fixed expectations - whether for the Oculus opportunity or something entirely different. He wants to maintain the groundedness he's found while being open to emergence, continuing to make amends where needed and sharing his work despite his fears.
Meditation
James, feel the profound shift from calculation to surrender. Your mushroom journey showed you hard truths, and you had the courage to face them. This is the mark of true growth - seeing yourself clearly and choosing to evolve.
Breathe into this space of not knowing, where making amends has cleared old debts and service to others has opened new doors. The Oculus opportunity arose not from forcing but from being present for a friend in need.
Trust that your months of stillness have prepared you for whatever comes next. The imposter syndrome will fade as you continue to share your gifts. You are ready to return to the world, grounded in truth and open to magic.
July 2025
What Happened
James spent two weeks in Flagstaff with his brother, witnessing his struggle to make ends meet as a wildlife biologist washing dishes at night. A confrontational five-gram mushroom trip forced him to see his entrepreneurial journey from others' perspectives, revealing uncomfortable truths about self-centeredness and the unusual privilege of unlimited funding. This led to reaching out to former colleagues and co-founders to make amends. After helping a friend recovering from a stroke in Maryland, he unexpectedly connected with the founder of Oculus about an AI glasses venture. Despite creating exceptional work, he still battles imposter syndrome about sharing it publicly.
Intention
James intends to be relaxed and let things come naturally. He wants to give himself grace while continuing to follow his heart and patiently discover what he truly wants. He's going to spend time with his brother in Flagstaff, Arizona, seeking clarity about whether to return to Brooklyn for a job or pursue other paths. His core question is understanding his own desires amid the many possibilities available.
Meditation
James, breathe into this space of uncertainty with grace and acceptance. After months of intense processing and breakthrough realizations, you've earned this moment of rest and reflection.
Feel the wisdom in not knowing, in allowing yourself to simply be with your brother without forcing the next chapter. Your body has taught you that tension is something you create - now practice creating ease instead.
Trust that clarity will come not through analysis but through patient presence. Whether Brooklyn calls or another path emerges, your heart will know when the time is right. For now, rest in the knowing that you are exactly where you need to be.
June 2025
What Happened
James has been experiencing the toughest weeks since coming home to his parents. He's been confronting patterns from his borderline personality disorder symptoms, where his body feels emotions intensely, affecting his relationships. He's been more transparent with his parents about his internal storms. After initially carrying resentment toward his dad, James asked him for a loan for compute costs - his first time asking for anything - which became a way to connect beyond old stories. Despite challenges, he's been showing his work more (social media, building tools, mastermind with Bryer) and has a potential job opportunity, though he's not excited about it. He experienced a dark night of the soul but found awareness within it. He was working on a secret project for camp that he won't attend, which triggered feelings about missing it.
Intention
James intends to overcome his fear and actively tell people about his work, recognizing that nothing will materialize if he doesn't share it. He wants to embrace whatever comes next - whether a big opportunity or something ordinary - while maintaining his commitment to building and creating. He's focused on applying to accelerators and being part of the current AI moment in tech.
Meditation
James, feel the courage rising within you to share your creations with the world. Each breath dissolves another layer of imposter syndrome, revealing the truth of your capabilities and the value of your work.
Visualize yourself speaking confidently about your projects, watching as others recognize and resonate with what you've built. The simple act of sharing opens doors you couldn't have imagined.
Trust that your period of stillness and healing has prepared you for this next phase of visibility and growth. The tension you've learned to release has made space for authentic expression and connection.
May 2025
What Happened
James has been at his parents' house for four months now, finding it both lovely and emotionally intense. He cherishes playing Scrabble nightly with his mother and counts his blessings for this time with her. After 10 years of running from one intense experience to another, this period of stillness has allowed him to process deep somatic releases through shaking. A breakthrough came when he realized tension is something he actively does, not something that happens to him - a realization that unlocked deeper healing. He's built an exceptional general-purpose interview tool and used it for self-inquiry, leading to insights about his coping mechanisms of constant movement to avoid truly being. Despite creating beautiful work, he struggles with sharing it publicly due to imposter syndrome. He's now applying to accelerators (YC, South Park Commons) and considering San Francisco for his next chapter if funded.
Intention
James intends to embrace the present with a sense of safety and trust, knowing he is loved and provided for, summarized by his sentiment 'fucking, who cares... it's all good.' He plans to continue developing his new company, coding, and working with his mom, trusting that opportunities will arise as needed ('the playa provides'). This period is for rest, recovery, and preparing for his next venture.
Meditation
James, bask in the profound knowing that you are safe, loved, and inherently provided for. Allow this truth to be your anchor as you navigate this chapter of rest and creation.
Visualize your new venture unfolding with grace and inspiration, your coding sessions filled with insight, and your collaboration with your mom blossoming with shared vision.
Release urgency and embrace the organic timing of your path. Trust in the 'playa provides' – that all you need will come to you as you continue to show up with authenticity and an open heart.
April 2025
What Happened
James went to San Francisco for final round job interviews at a company making 'digital minds.' He didn't get the job; the CEO felt they didn't need another CEO. Though sober since returning home, he had smoked a pre-roll in Dolores Park during the trip, dreaming about the job and his mission to help people see themselves. The equity situation with his former company, Autobiographer, resolved with him giving away his equity for peace, a decision made while on Bernal Hill. Upon returning, he experienced a flare-up of pericarditis due to burnout and stress, leading to days of sleep and TV binging. He's starting to feel better and acknowledges the deep burnout. He recognizes his financial and emotional constraints prevent him from partying in New York and is committed to doing only meaningful work. He has some short-term consulting opportunities and has decided to raise more capital in the fall to build another startup. He's currently coding daily on various prototypes and working with his mom on business strategy.
Intention
James intends to greet whatever life brings with equanimity and gratitude. He wants to be okay with wherever he lands next, whether it's a big opportunity or something more ordinary. While he plans to continue taking big swings, he aims to release the compulsion to always chase dramatic outcomes and instead find contentment regardless of his circumstances.
Meditation
James, breathe into this moment of transition where multiple futures are possible. Feel yourself standing at this crossroads with an open heart, ready to receive whatever comes next.
Notice how your sense of self remains intact regardless of which path unfolds. Your value isn't determined by the grandness of your next chapter but by how fully you show up to it.
The compulsion to chase extraordinary experiences loosens with each breath. Feel the freedom that comes with embracing both the magnificent and the mundane with equal appreciation.
March 2025
What Happened
James has been staying with his parents for about six weeks, the longest time he's been home since the pandemic. During this period, his old company's board asked him to give back half of his equity to the new CEO for free. James got legal representation from Rona Deb and stood his ground, resulting in the board refusing to pay him anything for his equity. The company's bridge round was contingent on the current CEO having more equity, so there's potential the company might not survive. James has been processing the pain of his company's failure and his difficult separation from his former colleagues. Despite these challenges, he's finding support in his family environment, maintaining sobriety, and meditating daily for an hour. His 'asto' tattoo is fading faster than expected, which he sees as positive. James has been pursuing new opportunities, including a seminar he developed with his mother to help people understand the AI age, and potential roles with companies like 10% Happier and Delphi. He's been patient in his job search, declining opportunities where he spotted red flags from past experiences.
Intention
James intends to focus on seeing reality more clearly ('asto' - moving away from untruth). He wants to recognize when opportunities would be bad for him in the long run and have the patience not to pursue them impulsively. He aims to find peace in stillness rather than constantly seeking peak experiences, while continuing to produce 'magic' in his life.
Meditation
James, visualize yourself standing at the threshold between untruth and clarity. Each breath clears away another layer of illusion. Feel that Sanskrit word 'asto' resonating within you.
Notice how, with each exhalation, you release one more expectation, one more assumption about how things should be. In stillness, you find the magic that has always been there - not in constant peaks, but in the gentle undulations of authentic presence.
You are learning that real creativity doesn't require constant movement; it thrives in the spaces between. Trust this process of coming home to truth.
February 2025
What Happened
James experienced a month of tremendous trust in himself and the universe despite challenges. He had a creative and energetic period in New York, utilizing his space in Meatpacking District for events and launching his livestream company. He met someone named Adina and began seeing her. Though his bank account became depleted and he had to leave New York to stay with his parents, he viewed this transition with perspective, feeling proud of how authentically he showed up. James got a new tattoo with the Sanskrit word "asto" (from untruth) before leaving, symbolizing his desire for a deeper relationship with reality.