Seth's Journey

Current Intention

Seth intends to continue improving his work while being more gentle with himself about perfectionism and substance use. He wants to explore the new connections opening up after Marcela while keeping things light without expectations. He's focused on getting better at managing large productions, learning to delegate more effectively, and potentially having his new operator take over camp filming next year so he can actually participate. His primary focus remains growing his directing career, especially with the new feature film opportunity involving improvised gameplay. Most importantly, he wants to maintain the lightness he's discovered rather than carrying the weight of trying to document everything alone.

What Happened

Seth arrived completely exhausted from an intense period - his TV show was picked up for six episodes, he shot two weddings back-to-back, and camp required tremendous coordination. This year's camp was particularly challenging as he managed more people, which meant more problems rather than less work. He found himself dealing with endless logistics while others had hornets, needed fans, or required medical attention. The wedding shoot marked a turning point when his new operator allowed him to actually enjoy an event for the first time, having real conversations instead of constantly running to capture moments. He had closure with Marcela that initially hurt but opened him to new connections. He's making good money this year, moving funds into retirement and wealth building. Despite trying to quit substances, he admits he's 'still off the wagon' but is being gentle with himself about it.

Intention

Seth intends to be gentle with himself about drugs at camp, planning to give his ketamine to friends to hold so he has to actively ask for it rather than using unconsciously. He wants to try Max's consistency practice of asking 'How have I been consistent today?' After camp and his TV show, he hopes to have less time for drugs and more focus on work. His main goal remains focusing on his career and the opportunities ahead.

Meditation

What Happened

Seth is feeling complete and utter exhaustion - tired in body, soul, and brain. He's juggling his TV show (6 episodes picking up from last year's pilot) with camp preparations, handling all camera rentals for both (4-5 cameras each). The logistics are overwhelming. He's dreading camp because he works the entire time as 'shooter of last resort' while giving his team breaks. People constantly ask him to shoot their DJ sets or personal projects, and he wants to tell everyone to fuck off. He gets complaints about who's not in videos anymore. He's not getting good sleep. He hasn't made progress on kicking addictions - hoped being busy would help, but now uses substances to relax from being so busy and tired. He misses having someone to take care of him - seeing a producer get asked 'what would you like for dinner?' highlighted his loneliness. His film industry is dying (120 shows down to 30), threatening his camera rental business that's been his safety net. The consent video for camp did well but Marcella forgot to add him as collaborator, then blamed him for not reminding her, which really pissed him off. Their energy is so tough he runs away when he sees her. Despite frustrations, he's excited creatively - making videos for Brad's birthday and a music video for camp with Lev's original song.

Intention

Seth wants to be more selfish and focus on his work, letting go of the community obligations that drain him. He intends to cut off ketamine use. He plans to pursue Zouk lessons with the instructor before she leaves in three months. His main goal is to focus on the TV show opportunity and his career rather than trying to give to everyone else.

Meditation

What Happened

Seth came in frustrated from working on projects that weren't working despite long efforts. However, he has great news - the TV show he did a pilot for last year got picked up for six more episodes, shooting in the next few months. He's leveraging this to get an agent and feels the train is finally moving. Despite professional success, he's feeling crummy. He brought amazing gifts from India for Marcella, but she had no time, then messaged 'I miss you' from Denver, which felt hollow. At a birthday party in Denver, their interaction felt like they'd gone back to day one - beyond friendship into complete separation. He realizes he's no longer a character in her story, just a reminder of memories. He's lost his 'mojo' that he discovered with her and feels invisible in the community. He's frustrated with constant free work for friends (wedding videos, camp videos, Brad's birthday project) and the party scene where he spends all night catching up with friends, leaving no time to meet potential partners. He mentioned feeling 'cock-blocked' repeatedly and that everyone's just fucking each other without genuine connection. His ketamine use has increased to where he doesn't feel it anymore.

Intention

Seth intends to re-introduce Zouk lessons into his routine and focus on making financial and career progress. He wants to rediscover his 'mojo' and confidence. A significant part of his focus will be on processing the transition in his relationship with Marcella and understanding its impact. He also plans to investigate potential dietary sensitivities (American food, meat) to improve his well-being. Overall, he aims to find or create meaningful work opportunities and reduce distractions from travel and parties to build something substantial.

Meditation

What Happened

Seth was sober during his trip to India, which was the longest he's been without marijuana in a while and felt good, though he smoked a lot of cigarettes. He found it easier than expected to sleep without weed while traveling. Upon returning, however, he picked up old habits and hasn't kept up with Zouk lessons as intended. He successfully completed video work for the India retreat, receiving positive feedback and hoping it leads to future opportunities, possibly shooting content for hotels. He feels like he's 'lost his mojo' and lacks confidence. His relationship with Marcella has transitioned into a friendship, and they are no longer sleeping together, which he initiated. This change is conflicting: good because it was a conscious de-escalation goal, but sad because their intimacy was a significant part of their dynamic and his self-esteem. He feels the loss of that specific energetic reflection. He had some good connections with a woman at the yoga retreat. His stomach felt unusually good in India (eating vegetarian), making him suspect issues with American food preservatives or meat. He feels immense frustration, believing his skills are better than ever but not getting corresponding opportunities or making financial progress, creating a Catch-22.

Intention

Seth wants to do things for himself, specifically getting back into yoga to prepare for his upcoming retreat in India and taking Zouk dance classes. He also aims to cut back on cannabis use, particularly while traveling. Seth is trying to be more open-minded in dating, exploring connections with people he might not have considered before. His overall goal is to follow through on commitments to himself and explore activities that bring him fulfillment beyond his normal routines.

Meditation

What Happened

Seth has been navigating the aftermath of a manic episode that occurred at the end of January. He's been observing his different perspectives in various mental states and working to reconcile them to find what's true. He finds the blind spots he has when completely sober particularly concerning. Seth is preparing for a trip to India in three weeks, which he agreed to during his manic state but isn't currently excited about. He recently returned from a family ski trip in Colorado, where he reconnected with his father and brother, with whom his relationship has improved.