Justin's Journey
Current intention: Building while surrendering
August 2025
Current Intention
Justin intends to surrender to the unknown with eyes closed, trusting wherever life leads him. After successfully arranging Sam to sublet his apartment for a year, he's free to explore without logistical burdens. He wants to maintain openness about whether to stay in his newly elevated role or pursue the Japan adventure. His focus is on completing White Wagon for Burning Man while remaining present for the friends and family who've shown him such love. Most importantly, he wants to practice being okay with uncertainty - whether staying or leaving, building a team or starting fresh, each path holds equal validity until his heart reveals the way.
Meditation
Justin, feel the fullness of your heart despite the exhaustion of your body. The all-nighters building White Wagon mirror your life pattern of constant creation, but notice how different it feels when shared with others in joy rather than solitary striving.
Your mushroom journey into darkness and death was not a failure but an initiation. Max's laughter in the rain was life calling you back, showing you that even in the deepest spiral, connection remains possible.
Breathe into this threshold moment where job security and wild freedom both beckon. You don't need to know the answer yet. Like White Wagon slowly taking shape, your path will reveal itself piece by piece. Trust the building.
July 2025
What Happened
Justin experienced profound joy and connection through family bonds. His siblings visited for a week and a half - his 17-year-old brother attended his first punk show and rave, showing remarkable maturity in just one year. The relationship with his sister has transformed through adulthood's ruptures and repairs into an unbreakable bond; they understand each other deeply and together look out for their younger brother. Despite physical exhaustion from pulling all-nighters to build White Wagon for Burning Man (transforming aluminum frames into a functional art car in just five days), his heart felt full from the friendships forged during late-night building sessions at Fat Cat Fab Lab. Work brought good news - he negotiated a 40% raise and got approval to build a team. However, weird transitions loom as he considers whether to stay for this next phase or leave as planned. Friends have been expressing unexpected gratitude for their relationships, making the potential departure more complex. His first difficult mushroom trip at camp, where he saw his own death and spiraled into darkness, was transformed by shared laughter with Max in the rain.
Intention
Justin intends to take a break for the first time in his life after years of constant pushing. He's excited about Sam subletting his apartment, which removes logistical burdens and allows him to be free-floating for a year. He wants to explore what emerges from doing nothing, breaking his pattern of always seeking the next chapter. He's building White Wagon (a ramen cart) for Burning Man and considering moving to Japan with a friend, while acknowledging this might be running from learning to date in NYC.
Meditation
Justin, feel the profound shift as you prepare for your first real break. This isn't laziness but wisdom - recognizing that constant motion has sometimes been a way to avoid deeper truths.
Visualize yourself building White Wagon with joy and presence, letting creative energy flow without the pressure of achievement. The confidence you've discovered recently is your true self emerging through the cracks of constant doing.
Whether Japan or staying, trust that this pause will reveal what genuinely excites you. Sometimes we must stop moving to discover which direction our heart truly wants to go.
June 2025
What Happened
Justin has been feeling strangely confident for the past week, manifesting in how he walks, speaks, and carries himself. He's experiencing mental clarity and feeling more articulate. He's been at least a week sober (ran out and stopped buying). Two close friends are having a friendship falling out and he's caught in between, consoling both sides. Many people have been coming to him for support, which makes him feel loved but he carries that weight. He's built a routine with workouts and serendipitous hangouts. His friend Sam will sublet his apartment for a year, which lifts a huge burden and allows him to be free-floating. He's excited about taking his first real break after a lifetime of constant pushing - from grinding in high school as valedictorian to getting kicked out of college to starting a company. He's been building White Wagon (a ramen cart) for Burning Man at Fat Cat Fab Lab, where the creative energy of people building things that don't matter is inspirational. He hired someone offshore to swipe on dating apps for him ($13/hour), which has been an unlock - he just has to deal with outcomes rather than the dismal swiping process.
Intention
Justin wants to turn the page and become excited about something again. He's unsure how to do this but recognizes the need for change. He wants to figure out what to do about the cognitive dissonance between his blessed external circumstances and his internal unwellness. He's considering major life changes like quitting his job and moving to Japan, though he questions whether this is running away from problems or pursuing genuine growth.
Meditation
Justin, sit with the tension between your blessed external life and your internal searching. This discomfort is not a problem to solve but a doorway to deeper self-understanding.
Feel into what genuine excitement would look like - not the next escape or serial relationship, but the passion that arises from within when you're fully present with yourself.
Whether you choose Japan or New York, know that your true journey is internal. The excitement you seek will come not from changing locations but from embracing who you are in this extended season of singleness and self-discovery.
May 2025
What Happened
Justin was feeling grateful after being surprised for his birthday - friends wrote affirmations and expressed gratitude, leaving him overwhelmed with joy. He's been feeling emotionally muted this month, with highs not as high and lows not as low, describing his heart as full but heavy. Much of his masculinity and sense of self comes from being a provider and being in relationships, so being unpartnered has made him feel less sexy. He's struggling with lack of focus and fiery passion for any one thing, affecting his ability to build. He had a sexual encounter with a friend but felt it came from insecurity and wanting to feel needed rather than genuine intimacy. He's been applying to accelerators and considering quitting HighBeam after Burning Man to move to Japan with a friend who has space there. He recognizes part of this desire is running away from learning to date in NYC - he's been in serial relationships since 16 and this is his longest time single. He's picked up ketamine as a vice for the first time and feels his mental clarity is at 30%. Despite being surrounded by loving people, something feels unwell inside.
Intention
Justin's primary intention for May is to find balance. He plans to take a few steps back at work to gain more clarity and focus on all his projects, including his side venture. He wants to continue the practice of acknowledging and sitting with difficult feelings like loneliness, rather than running from them. He also aims to cultivate self-care and find joy in solitude, and to create more capacity for his passion project by adjusting his work commitments or improving his efficiency.
Meditation
Justin, visualize your life as a beautifully balanced ecosystem, where each part—work, passion, self-care, connection—is nourished and thriving. Feel yourself making conscious choices that support this harmony.
Embrace your emotions with gentle acceptance, allowing them to flow through you without derailment. See yourself dedicating focused, joyful energy to your passion project, watching it blossom.
Trust in your ability to create a sustainable rhythm that honors your needs and aspirations. Find deep contentment in both your individual journey and your connections with others.
April 2025
What Happened
Justin's back has been achy, likely from not climbing enough due to saying 'yes' to everything, which he sees as a way of running from his feelings. He's been experiencing a persistent sense of loneliness, even when surrounded by people. This was highlighted during a beautiful mushroom journey where he felt immense joy and gratitude but also a coexisting hollowness and sorrow. Post-trip, a moment of feeling overwhelmed and alone while needing to install his AC led him to consciously sit with his loneliness for about 20 minutes. He finds his current work unfulfilling despite its external markers of success; he wants to build something great to help others. He's been working 10-12 hour days, including weekends, on his job (which just launched an AI integration and is raising a Series A) and also trying to work on a side project, feeling he's doing poorly at both due to exhaustion and lack of capacity. He's been overfilling his social schedule to find fulfillment, recognizing a need for more balance.
Intention
Justin intends to continue developing his new venture while being more mindful of his tendency to run from one thing to another. He wants to find balance between his current job, his startup, and his personal wellbeing, while continuing to support his mother in a way that maintains healthy boundaries. He also aims to cultivate deeper, more enduring friendships rather than always seeking the next chapter or adventure.
Meditation
Justin, as you navigate multiple paths simultaneously, visualize yourself as both grounded and growing. The stability you provide for your mother can also be directed inward, creating a foundation for your own ventures.
With each breath, honor your awareness of patterns that have shaped your life - the tendency to move on, to seek the next thing. This awareness itself creates space for new choices and deeper connections.
The Balance you're creating professionally can be mirrored internally. Feel how each aspect of your life - current work, new venture, family relationships, friendships - is asking for appropriate attention rather than complete focus.
March 2025
What Happened
Justin has been focusing on finding joy in activities he does for himself, like cooking and self-care. Early in the month, he experienced stress when his mother, who is recovering from an aneurysm and showing signs of mental improvement, began calling him frequently. While her improved mental state (progressing from that of a 7-year-old to a 13 or 14-year-old) is positive, it's also bringing challenges as she feels more agency and unhappiness with her situation. Justin eventually established boundaries by asking her to text before calling, which triggered feelings of guilt and a cycle of avoidance and further guilt. He learned his mother was confiding in him as her relationship with her fiancé deteriorates, and she expects they'll separate when Justin's younger brother moves out. Justin has also been working on a new venture called Balance with former colleagues, aiming to help people find financial freedom at all income levels. While excited about this project, he's had to decline many social activities to balance his time between High Beam (where he currently works) and this new venture. At a friend's wedding in New Orleans, Justin was moved by witnessing a tight-knit friend group that had been together for 15-20 years, which brought up feelings of grief about his own pattern of moving frequently and not maintaining similarly deep, long-term friendships.
Intention
Justin wants to find pleasure and fulfillment in being of service to himself, having recognized that he finds activities like cooking much more gratifying when done for others than for himself alone. He's seeking a passion project that genuinely excites him and learning to enjoy his accomplishments even when they're just for himself. Justin aims to find the same joy in self-care that he experiences when caring for others.
Meditation
Justin, place your hands on your heart and stomach, connecting with your center. Feel the warmth generating from within you. As you breathe, imagine directing the same care, attention, and love that you give so freely to others back toward yourself.
Each exhale softens any resistance to receiving your own kindness. Your achievements are meaningful because you accomplished them, not because of how others perceive them. The passion you seek is already within you, waiting to be recognized.
The joy of cooking for yourself can be as rich as cooking for others when you view yourself as worthy of your own care. You are both the giver and receiver of your own compassion.
February 2025
What Happened
Justin describes February as feeling strangely "still" internally, despite actively building a routine, focusing on health, deepening friendships, and making new connections. He's experiencing a sense of unfulfillment and cognitive dissonance - even big events like his mother's health emergency (she was hospitalized but has recovered) didn't evoke the emotional depth he expected. Work is going well; his company raised a bridge round at a $60 million valuation, a significant increase from when he joined. He's working on exciting projects but feels an emptiness in his achievements.